so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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