this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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