the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
