So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
