final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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