Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
