the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
