NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
