There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
