erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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