I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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