I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
