I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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