I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
