maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
