Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
