I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
