good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
