Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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