I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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