I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
