i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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