margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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