Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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