So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
