No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
