i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize