Please, let me fuck your mom
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
