She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
