I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
