Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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