yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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