Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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