I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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