I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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