Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize