Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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