Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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