I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
