Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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