no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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