I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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