Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You need a sexual gate keeper
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
