He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
