if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
