he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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