bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
