i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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