hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
