Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
