if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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