I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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