Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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