Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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