We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
