Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
