I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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