Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize