Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
