This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
