I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
