I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
