Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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