why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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