It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
