The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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