hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
